Biting The Bullet

This blog was born out of the realization that I am a “bro”. Not one in the douchy, Red Bull drinking, college football loving, Kanye West listening - type way but more in the tomboy way: I fist bump (complete with explosions); yell obscenities during football games; I have a death stare that scares the crap out of grown men (thanks Dad!) and always have a dick joke at the ready. My friends are 90% male and I adore them, so much so that I have kind of forgotten how to be female. This has never been more apparent than when I tried (unsuccessfully of course) to spend a summer chatting up various men in San Francisco (Epic Fail!). Through this I came to three conclusions:


1).  I have an extremely vulgar mouth, which I forget about. Surprisingly, it turns men off…who knew

      2).  Even though I was a social butterfly as a child, the past few years of focusing on other things in my    

               life have made me socially awkward. I should have taken the hint when my friend Tone started
               referring to me as “The Muscle” (I’m a 5’8” string bean)

      3).   I secretly had a superiority complex – why weren’t the *right* guys hitting on me? Because I come
              off as a snobby bitch when I wasn’t being Whitney Cummings before she had that awful show.

Thank goddess I have amazing friends who aren’t afraid to say, “yo, you’re bein’ a dick!”  My response – “like your mom…heyyyoooooo!” (that shit never gets old). So in an attempt to dull my sharp edges slightly and understand what makes people attractive – I’m chronicling my journey as only a newbie writer can - with lots of expletives and drunk stories – with life experiences….and a very full Starfucks card. Welcome! Hopefully my dad won’t read this (I’m sorry in advance for the vulgarity but after 28 years, you should know that’s the status quo for me by now).