What? I can't hear you over the bass in this song...

I'm not a big fan of bars with DJ's. I try to avoid them whenever possible. So no one was more confused than I when I hit on a 90's DJ and (surprise!) it was an epic fail. Sir Spins-a-Lot as I will now be referring to him was spinning at Milk Bar in the Haight (I still don't have a clear idea of what I was doing there. I guess when someone says "we should go there!" I should probably think about it a little more). Still, even though it's known as a hip-hop bar, for some reason there was only one hip-hop night (?!?) - 90's hip-hop night! I immediately thanked my neighborhood friend for suggesting this. (This is the part where I jump up with my fist in the air and yell Yeah! Just like Peter Griffin)

Yes, EXACTLY like this...minus Falcor

It was a pretty good crowd considering it was a Thursday night. After drinking more expensive cocktails than I thought (buzzed, not sloppy drunk), I pointed out the following:

1. The ratio of white people in their 30's to everyone else was staggering. I seriously never knew that the majority of early 90's hip-hop fans were white. *The more you know*
2. The DJ looked younger than I was and certainly knew his music. Now with the exception of my friends who now live in Arnold (hey buddies!), not many people I've met have my obscure knowledge of early 90's hip-hop and R&B artists (take me to trivia on this, I WILL kick your ass)! So I have a place in my cold, black big heart for anyone who shares that affinity.

My friend smirked at me and reminded me that I had a blog to write and people to talk to (in retrospect, I think he was trying to get rid of me so he could hit on the bartender. Sneaky bastard - well played my friend)!  I remembered my experiment and headed to the DJ. "Hey, hey. Can you play "I Got A Man" by Positive K? Or "I Got Five On It"? I tried to yell but I'm pretty sure it came out slurred. He looked at me like I had rabies and said back, "What? I can't hear you over the bass in this song...". Now I may have been buzzed but I don't think there was a lot of bass in the song that was playing. Unable Unwilling to take a hint, I kept trying and moving closer to this DJ who was decked out in fake Chinese Sean John  and was (surprisingly) the only white guy in a Kangol hat. I kept asking questions and requesting songs but he kept pretending he couldn't hear me - even when a slow song came on. I looked over at my friend who was sitting with the now off-work bartender and he was laughing his ass off and giving me the slash-across-the-neck sign. I think I saw him mouth "abort!" Realizing that I was probably too drunk to pull this off, I slinked back to my friend but not before calling the DJ a "fucking douche" and giving him an enthusiastic thumbs up which he returned with glee. My friend being the prick supportive person he is said, "I think the whole bar heard you call that guy a douche". I just glared at my friend, "This place sucks, I'm gonna catch the 71 bus. You coming along?" As I said that my friend had his tongue in the bartender's ear, "I guess that's a no. Later man". Just as I got to the door, I heard the beginning of "I Got A Man" - the damn song I had been trying to get him to play for an hour. I turned around and flashed the DJ a look that promised death. He just smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I knew that bastard heard me! So I did what would make all who know me proud - I flipped him off and stormed out the door.

As I rode home next to an old Chinese man putting playing cards in numerical order and listening to the trustafarians talk about how they were going go join Occupy Oakland after yoga in the morning, I thought about avoidance tactics - how far are we willing to go to NOT talk to people we don't find attractive? I've crossed a street and pretended to listen to my music but never feigned deafness. Luckily, I was too buzzed to stay on this topic for long and looked on the positive side - at least the poser played my song.

So. Damn. 1992...I love it so much