*Played to The Pixies' "Here Comes Your Man"*
The Crow is tall and lanky. He wears hoodies and flannel shirts and makes fun of hipsters as much as I do. He has an easy smile that I can tell he uses often. Shaggy, thick dark hair and hooded green eyes on his clean shaven face make him look younger than he is. Not only was I immediately attracted to him - I got a good feeling in my gut (always trust your instincts). When I met him outside the Hemlock Tavern on Polk Street - one of those places I should have been hanging out in when I was in college but will now have to make up for it in my late 20's (or as I'm starting to refer to it as I contemplate going to grad school, College 2.0), I gave him my brightest smile. It was involuntary and he seemed just as happily surprised as I was.
We're the same age, both went to the same college and are both toying with going back to school. He has four jobs and I am desperately trying to get a second one. This is a man that I could see going on a journey with. I felt like we are on the same page with so many things - I've never felt that way before.
I feel myself smiling, feeling pride when I talk about him. Is this what this is supposed to feel like? Have I lost my mind? I will say this though - I feel alive and interesting and beautiful.
Never in my life have I ever met someone who was able to identify with my disconnection with the way I was raised. I love my family very much - they are some of the funniest people I have ever met but I have never felt like I fit into that small town, "this is the way it is because this is how it's always been" attitude. I was a city girl in a country family and I thank my Grandparents every day for encouraging me to get out and explore the world. The Crow could identify and we were both in awe of an instant connection of something so personal.
I had absolutely no qualms about kissing this guy for minutes at a time in the Tenderloin with catcalls all around us. It was adorable when he offered to protect me in case we got mugged (I never got a chance to tell him how I thoroughly fucked-up a mugger on the N-Judah once) and I played along. Wow, I actually felt feminine for once and had to capitalize on it. It reminded me so much of high school - making out for hours, feeling like....this is one of those times where you stop thinking and go on instinct. I look forward to my adventure with my not-so little drummer boy.
Hard, fast, blinding. I didn't want to leave this guy and I felt the same in return. I've never gotten that feeling back on any of my other dates. I so want to keep this man. We can go to the botanical gardens and sit in bars singing The Pixies while sneaking kisses and dispensing snark. The best part - I never once felt like I was lacking in any sense. This man is my equal and that is worth so much in my mind...so much that I will never ever post this on the blog…except that I did and with good reason.
Even though he is gone from my life forever, this is what I am looking for - to find this feeling again. I'm not someone who finds men I consider a future with very often so I know how rare this is. But I'm not giving up. I see wonderful, happy relationships all around me: my cousin Tracy and her caring husband, my cousin Deirdre and her snarky boyfriend who adores her, my best friend Tone and his patient, caring wife - they would do anything for each other. I know this exists and I know I can't settle until I find it. That's why I'm single - I refuse to settle for a mediocre marriage.
The Crow is tall and lanky. He wears hoodies and flannel shirts and makes fun of hipsters as much as I do. He has an easy smile that I can tell he uses often. Shaggy, thick dark hair and hooded green eyes on his clean shaven face make him look younger than he is. Not only was I immediately attracted to him - I got a good feeling in my gut (always trust your instincts). When I met him outside the Hemlock Tavern on Polk Street - one of those places I should have been hanging out in when I was in college but will now have to make up for it in my late 20's (or as I'm starting to refer to it as I contemplate going to grad school, College 2.0), I gave him my brightest smile. It was involuntary and he seemed just as happily surprised as I was.
We're the same age, both went to the same college and are both toying with going back to school. He has four jobs and I am desperately trying to get a second one. This is a man that I could see going on a journey with. I felt like we are on the same page with so many things - I've never felt that way before.
I feel myself smiling, feeling pride when I talk about him. Is this what this is supposed to feel like? Have I lost my mind? I will say this though - I feel alive and interesting and beautiful.
Never in my life have I ever met someone who was able to identify with my disconnection with the way I was raised. I love my family very much - they are some of the funniest people I have ever met but I have never felt like I fit into that small town, "this is the way it is because this is how it's always been" attitude. I was a city girl in a country family and I thank my Grandparents every day for encouraging me to get out and explore the world. The Crow could identify and we were both in awe of an instant connection of something so personal.
I had absolutely no qualms about kissing this guy for minutes at a time in the Tenderloin with catcalls all around us. It was adorable when he offered to protect me in case we got mugged (I never got a chance to tell him how I thoroughly fucked-up a mugger on the N-Judah once) and I played along. Wow, I actually felt feminine for once and had to capitalize on it. It reminded me so much of high school - making out for hours, feeling like....this is one of those times where you stop thinking and go on instinct. I look forward to my adventure with my not-so little drummer boy.
Hard, fast, blinding. I didn't want to leave this guy and I felt the same in return. I've never gotten that feeling back on any of my other dates. I so want to keep this man. We can go to the botanical gardens and sit in bars singing The Pixies while sneaking kisses and dispensing snark. The best part - I never once felt like I was lacking in any sense. This man is my equal and that is worth so much in my mind...so much that I will never ever post this on the blog…except that I did and with good reason.
Even though he is gone from my life forever, this is what I am looking for - to find this feeling again. I'm not someone who finds men I consider a future with very often so I know how rare this is. But I'm not giving up. I see wonderful, happy relationships all around me: my cousin Tracy and her caring husband, my cousin Deirdre and her snarky boyfriend who adores her, my best friend Tone and his patient, caring wife - they would do anything for each other. I know this exists and I know I can't settle until I find it. That's why I'm single - I refuse to settle for a mediocre marriage.
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