The Collector...or what the f*ck did you just say to me?

Note - A Commander classic I never published...I have no idea why. Takin' it back to 2012.....

I woke up the day after my alcohol-infused dancefest in the Castro still a little bummed and smelling like balls and cosmos (the smell of every Castro club). I distinctly remember Sunshine ditching me for a guy in a kilt but I couldn't blame him - I would have too.

Every Monday in the Castro...

My OKC and Match accounts were completely cleaned out - no messages coming in or going out. That meant it was time for profile revamps. It also meant I was due for a break to figure out what this was all about. What am I getting out of this? Am I the fuck-up? Luckily, I received a reprieve from dissecting my dating project by a text from a former star of one of my posts who I am now friends with (I'll never tell). He was having a dating dilemma he needed to hash out over a drink. So I pulled my hungover ass to Hayes Valley to sit outside with bottomless mimosas until my friend got off of work.

I had nothing to do for an hour but stare at the lanky, shaggy-haired server at the cafe across the street. He was surprisingly graceful for being so ridiculously tall and flirted with everyone, making little kids and old ladies smile over eggs benedict. I found myself laughing out loud at his antics and he waved to me a couple of times. It was a funny way to kill time, especially since my friend said he was going to be late. I snagged a crossword puzzle and tried to focus on it when a shadow appeared over my shoulder, "the word you're looking for is 'inoculation'. But I'm pretty sure I'm jumping ahead of you." I looked up to see the server from across the street smiling down at me. "Can I join you? It's hard to avoid a smile like that." Really? Lines like this really take away integrity, especially because I heard him use it on every woman he talked to today but it does take balls to approach someone. "Sure, you can help me finish my bottomless mimosa."  He cringed jokingly at that and went about charming his way into my pants. He had that loose-limbed walk that made me think he has sex...often. It's that effortless way with women that so many of my guy friends would kill for. I was impressed for that reason - it's a very hard thing to cultivate.

I set myself up for all the lines and he didn't disappoint, "Your eyes are amazing. Let me guess - Asian? Italian? Latina? Eskimo?" Wow, really? "You have one of those smiles that makes a man willing to do anything to see it again. I'll bet you've led tons of guys into the Dark Side" (he's pretty good). I decided to focus on other things that he wasn't saying. I watched his long fingers that tapped on his glass and it hit me, "you're a guitarist, aren't you?" A dark smile appeared, "Ah, the lady has a finger fixation. How many musicians have you slept with sexy eyes?" I answered truthfully and he had to stifle a smile. "Well it's nice to know you won't be fucking me for my guitar skills". I had never bantered with someone so confidently playful. Either this guy fully believed I was going home with him or just didn't care because ANY woman would take him on anywhere.

After about a half hour of this, he had to catch his bus. "I'd love to see you again, my girlfriend is out of town until the end of the month so we have plenty of time. Can I cook you dinner?" I stared openmouthed, completely shocked at the balls on this guy. It took a minute to clear my mind to realize I had been propositioned by a guy with a live-in girlfriend. I simply couldn't stop myself from asking, "Ok, no bullshit, I've gotta know - how often does this work? Seriously? Do women just blindly follow you?" He just smiled sheepishly and admitted, "all the time - open relationship. She knows I love her, I just need to be with other women to fully appreciate what we have. I think there is something beautiful and admirable about so many women. I guess you could say I collect those pieces I admire in other women - it makes me a better man." He wasn't joking, there was so much conviction there and not many people have that anymore. I'll be damned, I'd just met a pussy collector! I had to think about my answer and that pissed me off. Do I have ANY morals anymore? Still, I settled on: "As much as I would like to take you up on the offer, I'm really shitty at sharing. I also have a temper, maybe that's why I'm so good at roller derby and running from the cops." I said with a smile in my voice and on my face. He smiled back, "It's ok, I understand. If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me". With that he kissed my hand and hopped on the bus, waving and smiling the whole time as I sat there wondering what the fuck just happened?


You and me both kiddo!

Is it bad that I wasn't as pissed off at this proposition as I should have been? I mean, I feel sorry for the girlfriend if she really doesn't know but at the same time it's hard to be mad when a good-looking, funny guy takes an interest in you - and that may actually be the problem. I. Want. More. Than. That. Maybe I should cut back on my drinking? So when my friend showed up 15 minutes later and said, "what'd I miss?" I smiled and said, "a cute guy offering community dick."

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